An exasperated post

[rhionnach]

This image caused a bit of a stooshie to break out in a group I am member of. No one thought anything more of it other than what was evident from the image, it's a joke about the fact that Spring needs to hurry up and get here. No one, that is, bar one, who took a completely out of the blue stance accusing the OP of “promoting rape culture” and refusing to listen to any statements to the contrary. Not only that, but they stormed off this particular group and began ranting on another one that they admin, claiming they had thrown people off that group who supported this image and generally throwing a wobbly.

This post isn't about the pros and cons of the image. It was a funny image, one of many hundreds that appear on Facebook on a daily basis. Promoting rape culture was the last thing anyone thought about. This post is about the behaviour of that certain person and how unacceptable I find it.

Back in 2012 I wrote http://rhionnach.livejournal.com/371227.html after a particular discussion on a group. This person decided that my disagreeing with them was a “personal attack” on them and nothing anyone said to them would persuade them otherwise. I have to state here that I was NOT attacking them, personally or otherwise, but that person took it into their head that I was.

She was approached by several people to try to sort the whole situation out. I wanted to let her know I was not attacking her and I wanted to sort things out. But she would not listen to anyone. As she had blocked me on Facebook this led to problems as she was still a member of the group I admin and was still saying things on it. Eventually, after much discussion on the part of others she climbed down sufficiently to unblock me as long as I unposted the above LJ post. So I marked it as “private” so that only I could see it.

A silence descended between us. She would occasionally make comments on discussion threads and I would occasionally respond but on the whole we avoided each other. We had occasions to be at events where we would say nothing to each other. That was fine. Saying nothing at all cannot lead to issues. When I had the opportunity to go on a camping weekend with a particular group I was in two minds about going as it would mean spending an entire weekend in the presence of this person. I decided against going as I really couldn't be arsed with her. I'd only end up with a headache and it would not have been a fun weekend.

However, moving forward to the stooshie over the image above. I was astonished at her behaviour, at the comments made, and at her parting shot as she stormed off the group. If she had legitimate concerns then presenting those concerns in a group-up, adult manner would probably have meant she was listened to and the whole subject could have been discussed. But that is not her way.

This is not the first time she's done this sort of thing. There seems to be a pattern of behaviour where, if you do not toe the line (her line, that is) she will go off on one. We've all seen this sort of thing happen with a lot of people, especially online, where things can so quickly and easily get out of hand. However, my particular objection to her behaviour is that this person is a fairly high up member of an organisation which represents a particular set of beliefs. This person is the person that is asked to comment on areas concerning those beliefs. This person is seen as representing us all, whether we are members of the organisation or not. This person cannot simply go off on one if someone holds a different opinion to the one she holds.

I've got to the point now where I really do not give a damn about upsetting this person. Nothing I do will be right, so why bother? Back in 2012 I was quite horrified at her claims of personal attacks and I did try to sort things out - to no avail. But now, I really do not care. I am fed up of her behaviour. I am shocked that someone holding the position she holds is allowed to get away with this. I think we've all tolerated it for too long. However, it will be up to each person individually to decided if they've had enough of her behaviour and if they want to do anything about it.

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

It's the phrase "get Mother Nature drunk". I had the same flinch. If it read: "It's time Old Man Winter and Mother Nature got a little drunk" (tho I'd prefer tipsy) the sense of coercion wouldn't be there.

Sometimes the minority view might be right?

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Ps. Even complete pains in the ass can be right sometimes.

[rhionnach.livejournal.com]

Now if she had explained it like this it might have made more sense. But all she did was to throw accusations around, get on her high horse and generally behave like an arse. Her behaviour does detract from the point she may have been trying to make.

As far as I'm concerned I've had enough of her. I suspect others are thinking along the same lines.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

I flinched too, when I saw it, but you just step back and put it in context of Spring and Paganism and Beltane fires and heave ho and it's okay.

er

[ellie-nor.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I have a feeling I know who you mean. I have had poor reports from other quarters as well :-(

I agree with her point, but the impression I get is that with her it isn't about the point, it's about her Always Being Right. Ugh.

Re: er

[rhionnach.livejournal.com]

You know, it's since been explained to me in a far better way than a certain Always Being Right person did. And I can now see what was meant.

However, it's how she did it, it's part of her Always Being Right attitude which has annoyed countless people and gives a very poor impression. This attitude means that people give up trying to hear what she has to say as it's just her going off on yet another one. And given her position this is simply not acceptable behavior. But no one can tell her as she's Always Being Right.

Re: er

[ellie-nor.livejournal.com]

Urgh. You have my sympathy and empathy. This kind of situation is so frustrating. I've seen it a few times in groups without a clear structure, process or systems of accountability, but what's liveable with in, say, a small workers' co-op just won't wash in a faith group (and I've seen it in both). I suppose one could ask the Gods to intervene...? :-/

Re: er

[rhionnach.livejournal.com]

This time round she has crossed the line. There are official complaints being made. I could say "for all the good it will do" but I'm hoping that isn't going to be the case. It's happened too many times and needs stopped.