Aug. 22nd, 2016

rhionnach: (Vulcan on the Bridge)
I'm at home recovering from having my radius bone broken in my right arm and my C2 vertebra broken in a car crash in which I had to have the roof cut off the car in order to extract me. I have been very lucky that the C2 break turned out to be stable and didn't require surgery.

I'm (impatiently) waiting for the days to go past so that I can get the neck collar off and the plaster off my arm so that I get begin to return to normality. I'm unable to go out without someone making sure I can get down the stairs safely due to the fact I cannot look down. The bannister is also on my right hand side so I am unable to grasp it to get down unsupervised. I am looking forward to freedom!

Here's the thing. All my life I have had a fear of immobility, of being held down and not able to move. I have no idea where it came from but it even shows in my dislike of tight clothing and of being held too strongly and especially of being tucked into a bed with very taut covers. If I am in a hotel which does just that then all sheets have to get pulled out before I can go to sleep.

When I worked for a disabled charity I came face to face with people who had experienced first hand suddenly being made immobile through spinal injuries. I heard their stories and I found them scary. Some of them were very active sportspeople, others had simply tripped over the cat, but all had sudden life changing injuries. I knew that their situation was my fear and I hoped it would not happen to me.

So how did I feel when I was told I had fractured my C2 vertebra? The hospital did not immediately discuss the possibilities with me, possibly thinking I didn't know what the implications were, but I did know. The fact that my reflexes all checked out was a good sign. I swallowed my fear and faced up to dealing with the situation at hand. After x-rays, MRI and CT scans and much discussion among the doctors it was decided my break was stable.

I have been extremely lucky. I cannot begin to emphasise how lucky I have been. Of all the injuries to get, it would have to be the one which played on my deepest fear.

May 2017


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