Oct. 13th, 2013

rhionnach: (Vulcan on the Bridge)
I've been doing more clearing out of stuff. It's so that I can make my place my own and not have boxes of other people's stuff getting in my way and on my tits. I've been doing it gradually but I can see progress being made.

However, clearing this stuff out has stirred up a few things for me, especially today. In among old correspondence on a shelf I found a cheque, made out to me, which has been clearly forgotten about. It's far too old to do anything with but what is most upsetting is that the person who placed it on that shelf is the person who felt it was OK to order books and dvds, to have meals out, and to generally burn through any money available especially when we could not afford it. (But of course, I was the one doing the earning, not the spending. Let's not mention anything about emptying the joint account when things went pear-shaped.) This cheque would have been very useful back in the day, although no doubt it would have been utilised and not by me.

It's stirred up feelings over what has happened. I know that hindsight is 20/20 but I would say that the biggest mistake of my life was to have ever got involved with a certain person. There were things that went on that I've never told anyone, probably never will, but they had a disastrous effect on many parts of my life. One being the relationship with my parents. I'm glad I was able to repair things between me and my parents for however short a time we had left, although given some of the things my mother said to me I feel that she harboured certain grudges over it.

So I'm feeling a bit upset just now. I'll get over it but right now I would happily throw something at a certain person. I could easily do it, you know, he'd never see it coming due to the peculiar ability I appear to have of becoming invisible in his presence.

May 2017


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